A Day Coping With Depression
For upon |You can wake up in the morning feeling top of the world, then for no apparent reason you can feel as if the whole world has caved down on you. This is the struggle that people who suffer from clinical depression deal with on a daily basis. It’s not as visible as someone suffering from a broken bone. It’s not as obvious as someone whose illness causes them physical deformities, but the effects of a mental illness are just as devastating.
This is a typical day in the life of someone close to me who suffers from clinical depression. Their hope is that it will help you understand a little better what people with depression go through on a daily basis.
6.30 am – Wake up this morning as usual feeling exhausted and brain dead. The new doses of tablets are having some pretty shocking side effects, but they are doing a good job helping me control the ups and downs so it’s worth giving them a shot.
9.00 am – Just about waking up after two cups of coffee and some breakfast. Between waking up and now seems like a dream, like it happened I’m not sure. The joys of these anti-depressants. My mood today is quite good, I’m feeling smiley which is almost as good as it gets.
10.15 am – As I am currently off work, my day is usually filled up with doing things that focus my mind on a task, not allowing me to think within myself. As I’m watching a program on TV, I suddenly just have a feeling of pain in my chest. This is very usual. It’s not a pain like a heart attack or something of the kind. It’s a pain that can only be described as similar to the pain you feel when you are grieving the loss of a loved one. The only difference is that in this case, you have no justifiable reason to be feeling grief. I try to take my mind off the feeling by making a brew and washing the pots, but there is no hiding once the feeling starts.
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13.30 pm – I ensure that I get out once a day. When I was first diagnosed with depression, I went for long periods of time without leaving the house. You begin to feel isolated and it’s a slippery slope I don’t want to fall into again. By this time though my mood has totally changed to grey. When you feel like this, everyone is looking at you. Everyone knows and everyone is judging you. Well obviously they aren’t but that’s how you feel. As much as you know that they aren’t, your gut convinces you otherwise. I can’t wait to get home.
15.00 pm – All I want to do is sleep. My mind and body are exhausted and I just want to sleep through it all. I won’t though as I can’t admit defeat, I won’t let it beat me.
17.30 pm – My better half arrives home and straight away, without me even saying a word she understands exactly how I feel. She has been a rock throughout and without her I don’t know where I’d be. Just seeing her lifts my mood a little, like a light at the end of a very dark tunnel. My daughter has the same effect and they are the reason I know I will beat this.
18.30 pm – We sit down after dinner and she begins to tell me about her day. She tells me a story about something that happened at work in which she did a nice thing. Immediately I burst into tears. I’m overcome with emotions that I’m not good enough for her. It takes me a minute or two to compose myself. My wife understands what has happened so she just allows me to get it out. When I stop, all I can think is embarrassment and I can’t control myself from having these outbursts.
22.00 pm – The rest of the night was spent waiting to go to bed. Watching TV but not having a clue what was going on. Talking to my wife without really listening. Lost in my thoughts without actually thinking about anything but the greyness. By the time I’m climbing into bed, I’m filled with relief that the day is over and I can go to sleep where I don’t have these feelings. I don’t have the pain. And I know that tomorrow is another day and a clean slate.
This was a typical day for me, and I’m sure for many people suffering from depression. Somedays are fine, and I can go for a long period without feeling grey. Other people take to causing themselves harm to help escape the feeling of emptiness, a type of relative pain rather than a pain that’s within. I, however, have never taken to this path. I wanted to write this to help spread awareness for the ‘invisible disease’ that is mental illness. Hopefully, you will be able to relate to a loved one who suffers from this type of thing and give them the support and understanding that they so desperately need.
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